Letting God be God

I have been struggling emotionally and spiritually as I tried to think and prepare to go back to campus.

I have been letting doubts and insecurities rule over me.

But what if I let God really be God and did my best to trust him. 

What if I accepted humbly, denying the pride that creeps in my mind, that IV at CU really is Gods. And what if I didn't get caught worrying about the complexities of how it's Gods when how would it go without people. Maybe I could see that I am the Lords so its His. But anyways maybe this view would change more than I thought of God being God over IV and me.

It would certainly change my attitude towards prayer.

It would also overcome my insecurities because it doesn't matter, God is greater.

And fundraising in fact is how God reminded me of this shift he is doing in me. Because Hudson Taylor's view of fundraising is so radically God centered and so little money or self focused that it is beautiful and yet painful to me in some ways.

And it would change the vision and witness of my ministry.

Really all that's left is how will I respond? I am pretty sure God invited me to be a part of this. Will I let all of my stuff stop me. Do I want to be a part of this. Like Jonah will I run? Or will I joyfully say yes and yet trust God to be God and be free to just be me.

Really it's about God bringing his kingdom and saving me and others. Help me to rest in the gospel of Jesus that he saved me. Help me remember. Help me to praise and celebrate and be thankful. Inspire me to share with others that they might experience this too. That they might know you and the truth and come into the family of the light the kingdom. Because you love me and you love the people of the whole world God. 

Lord let me be overflowing with joy and hope

Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, (1 Peter 3:13-15 ESV)

The last part really stuck out to me that what people should see even if they are opposed to us is the hope that is in us. That is what I hope that God might work that more and more into my heart and faith: the hope of being with God. And in that a deep joy in The Lord with whom I am seeking fellowship now and eternally. I don't feel I have those. I am forgetful just as the Israelites were of your great goodness and salvation. I forget the depths of my darkness. I easily grow prideful and independent and ungrateful. I am sorry Father.

God do this work in my heart to set my hope on you. And fill my mind with these things of you. Then let my words be quick to point to Jesus and your character God as a reminder to myself and a witness to others.

Amen

Our identity and inheritance

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. (Romans 8:15, 17 NIV)

I haven't thought of it this way before. So often I am reminded and rightly so we are sons and daughters of God. And that is our identity. It's so freeing and healing. It changes everything. Because we don't have to waste our lives looking for identity and worth in anything else. It's been found and sealed by the blood of Christ through faith and sealed by the Holy Spirit.

But it also gives us new things. We have an inheritance: suffering and glory. For to be in Christ is to be like him even in suffering. For in suffering and death Jesus was glorified. How does that change my perspective on the challenges of life we face here? 

God please be with me and teach me to be a son and what it means to be a son of suffering and glory. 

A reminder of our hope Romans 8

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 

...

Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 

...

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:18, 23-25, 38, 39 NIV)