Spiritual Check in 1 John

1 John 5
13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.

I feel a little torn in uncertainty, why am I not more confident and certain of knowing that I have eternal life? 

I feel weighed by pride in my heart mixed with depression and so I don't feel I can think clearly to have confidence. 

But I trust not in my own ability to be in God but in God's commitment to me:

1 John 5
18 We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the One who was born of God keeps them safe, and the evil one cannot harm them. 19 We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.20 We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.

God remind me of the spiritual reality of Boulder, this world, ministry and how the devil wants to kill steal and destroy and he does have some power here. But also remind me you are greater and will overcome. 
Amen

God and small things

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:12, 13 ESV)

But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. (1 Timothy 6:6-8 ESV)

Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, “I have no pleasure in them”; The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. (Ecclesiastes 12:1, 13 ESV)

Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do. Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going. (Ecclesiastes 9:7, 9, 10 ESV)

Father God grow my heart and discipline to celebrate and treasure the small things and to be content, but passionate about Jesus and the kingdom!

Amen